Struggle of A Working Mom

Before I leave for work every morning, I have to spend some time with Ian before he sends me off with a happy wave goodbye. That is his way of getting some assurance from me that I will be home for him on that evening. This morning, my alarm went off at 6 am. I shut if off and went right back to sleep. The next thing I heard was Ian's cry at 7 am and I had overslept for an hour. So I hurried up and held Ian while I brushed my teeth and changed for work. Instead of changing his diaper and applying his layers of lotion for him while having our morning "baby chat", I had to hand Ian to his nanny to do all that. He was upset and cried because I had to cut our cuddling time short this morning. When I was ready, I held him again for a last time before I leave. He complained to me and tried to tell me that I should not do that again next time by shaking his head, his eyes still teary. Before his tears dried, I had to hand him over to the nanny again because I had to leave. He burst out in tears and protested. I went off to work with a heavy heart and felt sad about leaving Ian this way.
As I was driving to work, the daily does of NPR morning news went right in and out my ear. All I heard was a bunch of people talking from the radio. My struggle between being a stay home mom and being a working mom grew ever more intense. Although I like my job very much, I cannot do my best because my heart is not entirely there. What if I have to travel? I try to keep the lowest possible profile these days to lower any chances of traveling. Why am I still working? Why am I defying what I can do really well in, which is to be a full-time caretaker for my baby?
Anyway, enough griping, picture time!

Ian likes to point to "buh!" a.k.a. "bird"

Excited to see his own picture...

Kissing the cute baby in the picture (himself actually)...

Happy to find "treasures"...Smile for mama's Canon 350D...Another Canon moment...