Unconditional Love

My papa always tells me…"you will only understand the magnitude of love that parents have for their children when you become a parent one day". As a mother now, I understand and feel the unconditional love for my son. I fell in love with Ian at first sight, so vulnerable and adorable, and completely dependent on me. (dad's side note: at background eating vinegar...)

It did not matter how much he cried during the first 2 months due to gas problems, and how tired I was to stay up for hours in the middle of the night to comfort him, it was all worth it. The smell of his poop is pretty adult-like these days but I am fearless when I have to clean his soiled bottom (dad's side note: I agree I am more chicken shit...).

We took Ian to swim for the first time 2 weeks ago. As much as I dislike getting a tan, I found myself using my body to block the sun from shinning on Ian’s delicate skin. Every new move he makes and every new thing he learns makes me so happy and proud of him.

My love for Ian makes me comprehend this unconditional love, and appreciate people around me that loves me. It makes me realize how much God loves us.

Ian understands a few words now – kiss-kiss, no-no, among the few. He shows affection to things that he likes by giving them a kiss. He kisses the frog on the book because he finds the frog cute. He kisses the babies in the book, not all babies, only those that he likes. Last Saturday, Ian woke up before I did. He crawled over to me and gave me a kiss. Hmm…that made my day and I was so touched (dad's side note: I also got kissed...heh heh).

I always tell my hubby about how cute and how smart he is, then I find myself asking this question, “is it just me or is he really so cute and smart?” :)

(dad's side note: because Ian looks like me...)

Wean, wine and dine

It was a difficult start and it was pretty inconvenient. Pretty soon, I became a pro and it became easy and convenient. I loved this special relationship with Ian.

We took Ian to see an allergist 2 weeks ago and found out that he is allergic to milk, eggs and peanuts. Since it is very difficult (not impossible) to have a milk-free diet, I decided to wean Ian at 9 months. Thank God that I was able to go 9 months.

Weaning Ian brought me some sad and unexplainable feelings. I am sure some of those feelings were caused by changing hormone levels. During those last few times, I remembered looking deeply into Ian’s innocent eyes and he would study mine. He would clutch his hands on my clothes, I did not want him to let go.

Sometimes, he would play with my hair. Sometimes, he wouldl try to reach for something further away with his stubby feet and toes. I knew I was going to miss nursing him.

Then the battle with Ian started. He refused to drink any formula for 2 days.

After that, he started accepting formula a little bit better each day.

On the bright side, I feel liberated with my diet. I had been deprived of a strong cup of coffee for 18 months. Now, I can drink latte, drink as much wine as I want and have some cheese with it too. For the past 2 days, I have also been eating bread slapped with ½ in. of peanut butter. I don’t have to lug my pump to work everyday and don’t have to sneak out and disappear in the middle of a meeting for 15 minutes. Talk about some good planning! Nonetheless, I don’t have the luxury of eating as much as I want in quantity now because my body no longer burn that extra 500 calories per day.